When guilt works

Shame says, "I am bad," so we treat it like a sentence. Guilt says, "I did something bad," so it’s easier to admit and fix.

Shame says, "you are broken, end of story”. Guilt says, "you broke something" and we can choose our next step.

What separates shame from guilt is that one focuses on the person, the other focuses on the action.

When put this way, guilt feels more empowering than shame.

But here is the twist; it only works as long as we own it, and do something about it.

Recognising guilt is empowering. After leaning into it, we get to do some repair and move forward. We get to love those we’ve wronged, even if the person is staring back in the mirror.

Don’t skip it and don’t live there. Staying in guilt cripples.

Here’s a simple test: does this help you direct love at yourself and others? Does it help you treat yourself and others better? If yes, it might be useful. If no, it’s not.

Or better, can other emotions get you where you want to be? Because in the end, the tax we pay on guilt is so expensive. Even when it works.

Your guilt should either expire or evolve. If it doesn’t, you may be doing something wrong.