Love hurts

Loving any human being may hurt. Loving someone messy definitely can hurt. But the wholeness of genuine love outweighs the hurt.

I am responsible for how I love people. They are responsible for what they do with their lives.

Although I’ve known this for years, I still forget.

I love my parents and will never be responsible for the decisions they made. Some of those decisions were beneficial. Some weren’t. But they don’t stand in the way of my love.

I love my partner. There is nothing they can do for me to hate them. Same for friends, siblings, and kids. This doesn’t excuse them from doing right by themselves and others. There’s accountability even in love.

I can direct my love at colleagues and associates without being responsible for what they do. I can take ownership for our collective goals and for the culture that creates them. But each of us is responsible for how we do the things we do. Where our values don’t align, I can lovingly remove myself from that situationship.

I can love whatever place I call home without accepting or defending the decisions of its leaders. The same applies to groups I am part of.

I can choose to love even when triggered. Because each trigger may show me something I haven’t accepted yet. Something I may still work on. I’m not responsible for the trigger, only for what I do after.

I can love the people in my life fully, without taking on the burden of forcing a change on them - even if the upside is better than what currently exists. Forced change fades. I can choose love over control.

I can show how the gains of improving outweigh the pain of staying the same. But I don’t get to love them lesser because of the path they choose. And they never need convince me to love them. Loving becomes lighter than judging.

Humans are messy. When we love, we open ourselves to be hurt. That's the deal. But we get to love better.

It's difficult to see those you love struggle. Choosing to love regardless of what those you love do is a better way to serve and see them clearly than being responsible for what they do.