The vibe test
There is an analogy for testing the health of the relationship one has with one’s parents1 that I found to be applicable to other relationships we value - the one with a spouse, a best friend, a partner, and even the one with ourselves.
What’s the vibe this person feels when you walk in the door?
What’s the vibe you feel when they walk in the door?
How do your senses react? What does your body tell you? Is it the time for a fake smile, a generous hug, or cold indifference?
Do you feel fear? Or anxiety? Or just some numbness?
It’s an excellent test of how we fare in the relationships we claim we value.
I don’t suggest applying this to create first impressions of someone you just met. Our cognitive biases are too strong and often take care of those settings.
It’s definitely not applicable to all relationships.
Not all relationships are created equal. Not all are equally valuable.
I’d apply this only to those I choose to love unconditionally, the ones from whom I want to receive love in return.
Thank you for inspiring this, Ryan Holiday.